Tag: gifts

The giving spirit of Christmas

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Even if  Christmas has become too commercial I still want to get a luxurious  present!

 

I can’t quite believe that this is my last column before Christmas, and as I write, I am wondering what to wear for my annual works night out tonight. We usually end up having a great time, thanks to the free-flowing wine and cocktails, and end the night embarrassing ourselves with some energetic mum/dad dancing in a local bar. It was American stand-up comedian and actress Phyllis Diller who said: “What I hate about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” I’m hoping I will still have mine in the morning!

I’m sure these sentiments are familiar to many of you, and I’d be interested to hear your cringe-worthy party stories. If you do have any, don’t keep them to yourself but share them with us by getting in touch via the contact details at the bottom of this column (of course, anonymity is guaranteed!).

Good old Les Dawson bemoaned the fact that his family didn’t have much money with which to celebrate: “We were so poor that we couldn’t afford a turkey. We gave the budgie chest expanders. It was five a side to a cracker.”

This time of year can be stressful, especially with having to buy presents for a lot of people, all with different personalities and tastes. There is a stereotype that suggests men are not very good at buying gifts for their other halves. Now I know it is a sweeping generalisation, but stereotypes are stereotypes because they are, on the whole, true. One year, my mum was less than enamoured by the fact that my dad had bought her some pans, and my ex-husband would buy me practical things for the house, like towels, or crockery. It’s not exactly romantic and is an indication of how they see us – as their domestic home helps rather than the love of their lives.

If, until you began to read this, you were considering buying your dearest love pans or crockery, I suggest you take this advice from English comedian Jeff Green: “Women do not consider the following to be gifts: diet books, cooking utensils, cleaning products, petrol for the car, anything from the Pound Shop”. I would add to that that if you want to make sure that you and your partner are still talking to each other once the presents have been unwrapped, then you can’t go far wrong with jewellery (made from precious metals and stones and not from the supermarket), expensive perfume or after shave (not the sort you get from the garage shop), or fancy toiletries (again, not from the supermarket). If you’re struggling, go to your local Boots or department store, follow the waft of perfume to the luxury scent counter and ask the assistant for advice. Believe you me, most of us would prefer one thing of high quality than a whole drawerful of cheap tat. And by high quality, I don’t mean a Dyson vacuum cleaner. Your gift has to leave the recipient with the feeling that they are being spoiled and, more importantly, that you have thought about what they might actually like to receive rather than what you think will make the job of cleaning the house easier.

I’m not the sort of person who will let on how disappointed I am when I get a rubbish present but I think I was justified on what I now call My Worst Christmas Ever. A receipt for a pair of expensive earrings had been carelessly left on the desk in our study weeks before Christmas, and I’d pretended I hadn’t seen it, awaiting the big day with eager anticipation. For once, I thought, I was not getting something useful, but something luxurious and just for me.

Unfortunately, the earrings ended up under another woman’s tree.

Of course, there are those who complain that the true meaning of Christmas has been lost, a victim to commercialism, overindulgence and greed. And I do think it does us good to remember how it all began, and who we should be thinking about at this time of year. With that in mind, I’m going to wish you happiness and joy over the coming festive period, and will give my last words to someone with a great deal more wisdom than me, Bart Simpson:

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas – the birth of Santa?”

Contact me via my webpage at countrymansdaughter.com, or email gazette@gazetteherald.co.uk.

This column appeared in the Darlington & Stockton Times on Friday 22nd and the Ryedale Gazette and Herald on Wednesday 20th December 2023.

The miracle of love

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At one time, apples and oranges used to be given as Valentine’s Day gifts

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We are still not certain why the saint day of the priest Valentine became associated with love (Picture from history.com)

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and I’m sure there will be many of you who will mark it in some way by perhaps giving your other half a card or a gift, or by celebrating with a romantic meal.

It’s not certain when the Christian Feast of St Valentine became associated with love, and there is some confusion about the identity of the saint who gives his name to this special day. In fact a number of saints called Valentine exist, and up to three can lay claim to the day itself. Generally, a day named after a saint marks the date they passed away.

There is an interesting story that explains the link between the saint and love. Claudius II was a ferocious leader determined to expand the Roman Empire when he became Caesar in AD268. He led ambitious military campaigns, and needed a plentiful supply of soldiers to execute his plans. However, he was struggling to get men to volunteer. Rather than blame their reluctance on the fear of being hacked to death, Claudius claimed the cause was the attachment the men felt towards their wives and families at home. His solution was to ban all weddings and engagements in Rome.

The priest Valentine objected to this and continued to perform marriages in secret. When Claudius found out, Valentine was thrown into prison and condemned to death. While incarcerated, he befriended the jailer’s daughter and left her a farewell message which he signed, “From your Valentine.” He was beaten and beheaded on February 14th in about AD269.

Another version of the tale has the girl being blind, and Valentine miraculously cures her just so that she can read the note (incidentally, you can only become a saint if you have performed miracles during your lifetime). Although it is an entertaining story, and nicely connects the saint with love and romance, it is more than likely to be complete hogwash.

There are ancient accounts which suggest there were two, or even three, saints with this name who were martyred in Rome on 14th February, but it is also possible that they were one and the same man. What we do know is that at least one person with this name was killed on that date and his remains lie on the Via Flaminia in Rome.

As my dad mentions in his column from 13th February 1982, rural folklore states that February 14th is when birds begin to look for their mates. A Valentine was also the name given to a physical gift, as well as to the person giving it.

At one time, apples or oranges would be presented on Valentine’s Day, and later it was more likely to be cakes and buns. Children would go from door to door, a bit like they do for Halloween these days, and when the door was opened, they’d recite a rhyme a bit like this:

‘Good morning Valentine, curl your locks as I do mine,

Two before and three behind, good morning Valentine.’

During the Middle Ages, the custom developed of sending a message or poem to your loved one. The earliest known written Valentine’s message is a 1477 letter by Margery Brews to a John Paston whom she describes as her ‘ryght welebeloued Voluntyne (right well-beloved Valentine)’. In it, she promises to be a good wife, and begs him not to give her up following her parents’ refusal to increase her dowry.

‘Myne herte me bydds ever more to love yowe truly (my heart me bids ever more to love you truly),’ she writes. Margery did get her way, and the pair wed and had a son, William, in 1479.

I’m not sure how many people still exchange Valentine’s cards, but it is certainly not a tradition embraced by my children and their peers. My eldest son is now 25 and when prompted said he might get his girlfriend a card, but will definitely mark it with a gift and a meal out. The other two (aged 23 and 19) said there was no chance they’d ever buy a card as it’s only what old people like me do.

I suppose they have a point, and on February 14th I’m going to wait and see if a telltale red envelope pops through the letterbox. And if it does, then I will definitely start believing in miracles.

Read more at countrymansdaughter.com. Follow me on Twitter @countrymansdaug

This column appeared in the Darlington & Stockton Times on 11th and the Gazette & Herald on 9th  February 2022